JERRY-atric

So one of my dearest friends was in town and I decided to take him out to some of my favorite haunts and let him get a feel for the night life here. We had a lovely dinner with friends and then he and I set off on our adventure. We walk into my favorite establishment and see two empty seats at the bar. So, we belly up and order.

We’re scoping out the scene and just getting acclimated. I send him to the juke box to play Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” (a must-hear in this smoky venue.) While he’s gone, I’m looking around and realize that the guy to my immediate left is staring at me. I introduce myself and he says his name is “Jerry.” I say, “Well hello, Jerry!” He immediately asks me if my friend and I are married, to which I honestly respond “No.”

He proceeds to engage both of us in some harmless chatter, but everyone must be quiet while I pay homage to Johnny Cash and sing out loud (it would be almost sacrilegious to do otherwise.) Then, Jerry wastes no time in launching back into conversation and telling us about his golf game, wife, kids, etc. All just easy bar room banter.

Just about that time, my friend has to visit the little boy’s room. No worries… I feel totally safe with this harmless older gentleman with the big fat gold band on his left hand. That was, until he starts rubbing all up and down the side of me. Um, what?

I look at him and I ask, “What in the hell are you doing?” and he responds with, “Well you are just so fun and funny… I thought you might like to have some fun with me?” Really? I don’t think so, Jerry.

It’s time to go now… so my friend and I leave. Jerry needs to go home too… to his wife and kids and his golf game. It’s not easy to make a hole-in-one with me.

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