Summer 2009 -- 3-for-1's

Some friends invite me out for happy hour on a Friday night. I have no plans and would love to catch up with them so I happily agree. Then I ask where we’re meeting and it’s a club downtown where you can get 3-for-1’s on Friday nights. Oh boy … that’s a recipe for a freak fondue!

So, I join them there after they’ve been holed up in a booth for an hour already. They were well on their way to having a good time. I joined them and ordered a cocktail and began to have fun and catch up.

The first thing I noticed is that there was quite a diverse crowd in residence that evening. Diverse in ages, races, sizes, etc. A veritable cornucopia of individuals all brought together with a common goal … 3-for-1’s!

We were seated up on a landing and to my left, I noticed two older gentlemen. I also noticed one of them noticing me. You could tell they were entertaining themselves people watching but he and I had the peripheral vision vibe going.

My friends began to play this game (and I’m cloaking the name a bit because of the words involved) “Snuff, Snag or Shag” where you pick three people everyone knows (famous, infamous, local, historical, whatever) and you have to decide who you would marry, sleep with or get rid of. Anyways, it’s kinda funny. So, we play a couple rounds of the game and we are laughing hysterically and people are noticing what a good time we’re having and turning around to comment and smile.

I decide I must visit the ladies’ room. So, I head that way … passing by my peripheral vision vicar. I’m washing my hands and some girl with short hair comments on how much she loves my hair and I thank her and compliment her hair as well. We chat for a couple minutes and she asks if she can have a hug. Well, I think nothing of it because I’m a hugger and so I say sure. We hug and she proceeds to plaster her face against the side of my neck and tell me “Oh, you smell so goooooood!” I pull away and make my exit pretty quickly without offending her and head back to my friends with my eyes looking like a deer in the headlights. Yoy … sniffer alert!

On my way back, I decide to introduce myself to the cute peripheral vision vicar who’s the people watcher. So, I walk right up and stand between the two gentlemen and ask them what is so mesmerizing. They proceed to describe all of the characters they are watching and how they’ve made up names and scenarios for each of them. Their storytelling is hilarious and I am interested. But, alas … I hear my feeling-no-pain friends calling my name from the booth.

So I head back there and when I get there these three hot young guys are sitting in my booth spot. So, I nicely and in a flirtatious way, tell them to get out of my seat. They do. But, they said that they heard we were playing an interesting game and since there were three of them, did I want to play “Snuff, Snag or Shag” with them? I didn’t. I mean they were all very cute, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. They insist. So, I pick the skinniest one and told him that if anything ever happened, chances are I could actually do physical damage to him because even though I’ve lost a lot of weight, I’m still a meaty girl. The other two were interchangeable because with the rules of this game, I was getting lucky either way. They laugh and I tell them to have a great evening. They kept walking by and flirting with us, but taking any steps in that direction would definitely have put me in the “Cougar Category.”

So, I keep flitting back and forth between my new people watching friends and my real friends just to keep it interesting. Finally the guy I like asks for my number, so I give it to him. He’s cute; he’s funny and most importantly he’s my age. While I’m chatting with him, a young attractive couple approaches me and asks if they can talk to me. Of course, I say. So they proceed to tell me that they’ve been observing me all night and think that I am the hottest older woman in the place. Really? I’ve looked around and I am quite sure that is not the case, but I allow them to continue with this storyline. I thank the girlfriend and say something smart alecky like, “Why thank you! What do I win?” Bad move, Gertie, because she says, “Whatever You Want.” Oh no. Really? So that’s what 3-for-1’s really means!

I thank her for her interest and she kind of leans into me and says, “Oh my gosh … you smell so goooood!” Yikes! And we have a theme, ladies and gentlemen!

I decide I’ve had enough entertainment for one evening and from the looks of it, my friends have too. So, we decide to call it a night. They go one way to head back to their parking garage. I had cabbed it so I head up the block to catch a cab home and my new people watching friend catches up with me and asks if he can walk with me and wait until I’m safely in the cab. Um yes… chivalry is NOT dead. I’m very intrigued by this guy.

So, my cab drives up and he asks if he can have a hug and of course I give him one. I had told him all of the antics that had unfolded that night so he says to me, “Oh my gosh … you smell so gooooood!” We both laugh and I go home with this huge grin on my face. I had finally met a cute, funny guy.

Obviously his evening didn’t end as well as I am sure that aliens abducted him from the face of the earth since my phone never rang. I smell something “not so gooooood” … like a rat. Oh well. Onto the next adventure!